"You shall not ever seek out their welfare or their good". (Devarim 23:7)
French Culture
I once heard from the Klausenberger Rebbe, zt"l, that Reb Naftule from Ropshitz zt"l said: "A wise person is like a someone who opposes Jewish Law. Someone who is a separatist from the physical world is like a priest. And a person with a good heart is an adulterer."
On the simplest level, these holy words mean that a person should not confine himself to any of these attributes alone:
When a person relies solely on his intellect, he can find himself pursuing the deepest ideas and concepts and find more doubt than answers. Therefore, his intellectual pursuits can lead him to heresy. Similarly, if someone is constantly denying themselves the pleasures of this world can become like an abstinent priest who is angry and ruled by bad character traits. Finally, someone who has a good heart and is constantly trying to please others can become an adulterer and forge relationships with an evil group of friends.
It is related that the Avnei Neizer expressed an interest to live and study Torah in France, where the authors of Tosfos originated from. The Rebbe felt that he could access an even deeper understanding of the Torah in such a place. However, he never actually moved there. He explained: The entire culture of France was consumed with lewdness. Its citizens were constantly trying to please others which led them to misuse that attribute of kindness and they were dominated by lustful desires. The environment was saturated with their impurity which would counter any possible holiness. Therefore, nothing could be gained.
Importance of Jewish schools
This is the challenge of our times. Today, the culture celebrates love and unity for all without exception. Society encourages you to embrace and accept everyone as a friend even when that person is behaving immorally.
This is destroying our children. With the advance of technology and social media, they can connect to anyone, even the most morally depraved individuals. They can become friends with the worst elements of society. I have seen with my own eyes children from good homes be destroyed by these influences.
Therefore, it is of the utmost importance to enroll your children in Jewish school where they can make good friends with positive shared values. If they attend a school where the children spend their entire day looking at their unfiltered devices, the influence of that culture will ultimately destroy them.
Social distancing
When you see someone being influenced by their friends in a negative way, you must do everything you can to help him distance himself from that negative and impure influencer. As R' Yossi taught (Pirkei Avos 2:9), Which is the evil path which a person must distance himself from? Having bad friends. Having friends that are a negative influence, who expose you to impurities, is like poison.
People take tremendous precautions to physically distance themselves from someone who has contracted an infectious disease. They are afraid of contracting the same illness. So too, a person must do everything they can to avoid people who can infect their spirituality.
Therefore, a person must constantly be willing to utilize the attribute of gervuah, sternness, to establish healthy boundaries and avoid the evil influences of others. The aspiration to seek out shalom and peace does not apply to such friendships. As the pausk teaches us (Yeshayahu 48:22), "There is no peace," said the Lord. "for the wicked."
True help
Today, society promotes a false and distorted sense of freedom. It celebrates empathy for those who are subservient to their desires and encourages people to help these individuals indulge in these desires. We must constantly remember that the Torah forbids helping someone behave in a way that is contrary to Hashem's Will and to the framework of Torah and mitzvos.
R' Eliezer Tzvi of Komarna wrote in Zakein Beiso (1:23) that the Baal Shem Tov used to keep an animal in front of his house, who used to keep away the beggars that travelled in those days from town to town seeking charity. The Baal Shem Tov would explain that it is forbidden to have pity on these beggars because they committed grave sins as they wandered from place to place. And, providing them with money only helped support their hedonistic lifestyle.
In fact, the truth is, that when a person refrains from indulging in these temptations, they ultimately help their eternal soul. They can avoid losing their livelihood and similar punishments that are the outcomes of such behavior. They can also achieve a certain peace of mind and contentment. As Chazal taught (Succah 52b), if he starves he will be satiated; if he indulges he will be starving. When someone succumbs to the challenges of indulging in their desires, it will only compound their need for further indulgences. However, if someone learns to overcome those desires, they will truly be "satiated" and be able to live a happy life.
Torah values
The Midrash explains (Sifrei, Zos Brachs, 43), that when Hashem wanted to give the Torah to the Jews, He presented it to the other nations. They asked what the Torah entailed. And, Hashem explained that there were certain prohibitions that were particularly related to that nation's culture. Each nation declined. For example, Amon and Moav were told that there is a prohibition against adultery. And, they were the most promiscuous of nations. They not only sinned but wanted to influence the behavior of others as well. As we know, the daughters of Moav caused the Jewish people to sin.
Our parsha is describing Amon and Moav. The Torah warns every Jew in every generation: "You shall not ever seek out their welfare (Shalom) or their good"...
Do not seek out and learn from the non-Jewish culture; do not become absorbed by society and what they define as acceptable behavior. Do not allow yourselves to believe what they define as "peace" and acceptance; do not align your values based on what they determine is "good." Rather, adhere to what the Seforim HaKeodshim define as "good" and "peaceful". You must adhere to the behavior of the Jewish people as defined by the Torah.
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