You have been rebelling against the Lord since the day I became acquainted with you. (Devarim 9:22-24)
Anger Denies Hashem's Presence
We are living during a time when the entire world is permeated with an increasing amount of anger. Tensions at work lead to dismissals. Anger in a marriage leads to divorce. And, the anger between children and their parents and educators and their students are causing an increasing number of children to feel rejected, disconnected and distant.
All this anger, all of these negative emotions stem from a flaw in emunah, faith, in hashgacha pratis, Divine Intervention.
There is a teaching of the Baal Shem Tov (see the Tanya, Igeres HaKodesh, 25) that explains the teaching of Chazal (Zohar HaKodesh Breishis 27b) that says if someone is angered it is as if they transgressed the sin of avodah zarah, idol worship. Why is that a fair comparison?
The Baal Shem Tov explained that a person must realize that everything that occurs in his life, every event and detail no matter how seemingly mundane, has buried within it a deeper purpose. And, everything in your life occurs with a very specific intention from Hashem, who is the Cause of all things in this world.
Chazal (Chulin 7b) teaches that a person cannot even lift a finger unless it was ordained in the heavens to happen. When a person, who has free choice, does something to harm you, he is liable and accountable for that choice, that action, in this world and in the heavenly courts. However, that pain you feel from that loss, the damage done to you, was something decreed by the Heavens. You are deserving of that pain. But, there are many emissaries of the heavenly courts and this person didn't have to choose to be the one to introduce that pain into your life. Therefore, he is liable.
This is the reason that someone who becomes angry is compared to an idol worshipper. If you become angry with someone for something they did to you, then you are lacking in the emunah in Hashem's Divine Intervention; you are denying Hashem's exacting influence in your life and crediting someone else for having the ability to impact you. That is idol worship: the denial of Hashem's abilities and presence.
Rather, when you are wronged, you should realize that this is Hashem's Will and will eventually also be for your good and benefit.
This is the meaning of the Zohar's teaching (Tzaveh 54a) that a person who isn't careful to guard himself from anger is like someone who rebels against their master, and the kedusha, holiness, leaves their soul and is replaced with impurity and the Sitra Achra, may Hashem have mercy.
The Impact of Anger
Nowadays, with the emergence of technology, it has become far too easy for someone to avoid contemplating spiritual matters and they neglect to recognize their emunah. In fact, the opposite has become true. They abandon their spiritual responsibilities and start doubting and even denying Hashem's Hasgacha Pratis. They begin to believe that everything they accomplish is of their own doing, from their own efforts and capabilities. Therefore, when someone wrongs them, they become angry.
Anger can ruin your life, like Chazal teaches in Nedarim (22a), that anyone who becomes angry all kinds of gehenim rules over him. Meaning, gehenim rules over everything, including in this world.
Specifically, anger in the home leads to a tremendous loss. Anger between a husband and wife can lead to a divorce which is followed by all kinds of regret and suffering. Lives are ruined, especially when there are children involved.
When teachers or parents become angry with a child, they can destroy him. Their potential is never actualized for good. Rather, they become deceitful, connect with the wrong friends and begin to live a life void of Torah and mitzvos and filled with sin.
Chazal warns us about this in Gittin (7a) when they taught that a person needs to prepare himself before entering the home on Shabbos night, ready to overcome the Yetzer Harah to become angry, and interact with his family calmly and sweetly. As it says in Koheles (9:17), The words of the wise are heard [when spoken] softly, more than the shout of a ruler of fools.
Shlomo HaMelech taught (Koheles 7:9) when he wrote, "Be not hasty with your spirit to become wroth, for wrath lies in the bosom of fools" . Only a fool who walks in the dark of his own ignorance will become angry. A wise person knows how damaging anger can be, physically, spiritually and financially.
The greatest harm is when parents do not teach their children to avoid anger. Even worse is when children constantly see their parents angry. The children will imitate that behavior, becoming angry and insolent to their parents. And, this behavior has destroyed countless children in our times.
Speaking with your parents angrily violates the commandment to respect your parents. The Gemara teaches in Kiddushin (32a) that they asked R' Eliezer how far one must go in honoring their parents. He answered to the degree that if they witness their father throwing a purse into the sea, they do not embarrass him. The Shulchan Aruch rules (Yoreh Deah 240:8) that if a child sees his father through a pouch of gold into the sea, he cannot become upset or angry. Rather, he must remain silent.
The Seforim HaKedoshim explain (Peleh Yoeitz) that when a person speaks to their parents angrily or in haste, they are in the category of "Cursed be he who degrades his father and mother" (Devarim 27:16). This is what Reuven was punished for, as Rashi explains "The restlessness and the haste with which you hastened to display your anger, similar to water which hastens on its course. Therefore...You shall no longer receive all these superior positions that were fit for you.."
The Lesson of Moshe
This is what Moshe is rebuking Bnei Yisroel with when he said: "And at Tav'erah." Tav'erah can also mean "burning". When someone is burning with anger inside of them, "you provoked the Lord to anger" .
And in result of the anger of Bnei Yisroel in their homes: "You have been rebelling against the Lord" - by violating the commandment to honor your parents. "Since the day I became acquainted with you" - from the days of your youth when you were raised in your parent's home.
Therefore, you must be careful not to allow anger to enter into your home, into your relationships with your family. You need to raise your children in a calm and patient environment. By doing so, you will increase the blessings in your home.
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