"And you shall not wander after your hearts and after your eyes after which you are going astray. So that you shall remember and perform all My commandments". (Bamidbar 15:39-40)
Guarding Your Eyes
During one of my travels to Uruguay, I was speaking to a group of young men and women, and they noticed that I wasn't looking at the women as I spoke. Afterwards, they asked me in bewilderment, "All of the women here are dressed tzniyus, modestly and according to Jewish law. Why won't the Rebbe look at them?"
I responded by asking the audience, "How many of the members of this community are happily married and how many have been divorced?"
"Roughly 60 percent have been divorced," they answered.
I responded: "In our community in New York, the divorce rate is dramatically lower than that, because many of the men in our community are careful not to look at women outside of their family. And, this precaution instills in them an appreciation and happiness for themselves, their spouses and their entire family."
The young men in the audience understood the point and a conversation ensued. They admitted to me that many of the men look at other women in the streets, in their community etc. Not only would they look at other women, but they would even stare at them admiring their beauty, which is clearly forbidden by halacha, Jewish law. While this might seem harmless, it is the root cause for the destruction of the Jewish family.
When a man stares at a woman outside of his family, it plants a corrupted seed of destruction in his mind that overtime starts to influence his behavior and impact his relationship with his wife. When the marriage becomes strained, when there is a slight disagreement, when there is even a moment of dissatisfaction, that seed is awakened and questions flourish. The man begins to doubt their spouses; their relationship. They become unhappy and frustrated. They become argumentative and resentful. The serenity, the shalom bayis, of the home and family begins to erode.
The destruction of the happiness in a Jewish home is even more aggressive when men are looking at women who are immodestly dressed. When they stare at these women - or even see their images - these men begin to go after their temptations and ignore the laws of tzniyus, modesty. And, their wives watch this unfold, they witness their husbands' behaviors shifting, and they start questioning their spouse's loyalty and fidelity. The trust between the husband-and-wife evaporates. And the family is ruined.
Technology Has Created More Distance
This has always been a challenge. However, it has become even more common and pronounced with the emergence of technology and the internet. The internet is a gateway to innumerable evil influences and images. If you look back, there is a correlation between the divorce rate and the ease-of-access to the internet.
The internet has become commonplace and can now be accessed even more conveniently with the creation of smartphones and smart devices. You used to have to go somewhere to access the internet. Now, it is always with you. The average person spends hours on these devices every single day. Time that could be spent with your families, strengthening the relationships in your lives, or learning Torah and performing mitzvos. This is more than a distraction, it is a disruption. These devices are creating distance between people, between spouses.
This not an accident. The technology companies who have created these devices did so with a very specific intent: to keep you on for as long as possible. They have spent an enormous amount of time and money researching and developing these products. This is a multi-billion-dollar industry that survives based on your addiction to your devices. They feed off your inability to break free.
The Drunkard
The Midrash Tanchuma (Shmini 11) describes a well-respected and prestigious man who became an alcoholic. His behavior and the public display of his drunkenness embarrassed his entire family, but especially his sons. They were ashamed of their father. They confronted him and tried to intervene, but it was useless. The father would not listen to reason.
One day the sons found a drunk in the streets. He was filthy, covered in mud and he was stumbling around mumbling gibberish. The sons ran and got their father and showed him this drunk saying, "See, father, see what you look like when you are drunk!?"
The father watched the man for a moment and then walked over to the drunk. "Please, tell me," began the father, "where did you get the drink that has made you so intoxicated? I want some!!!"
Technology is an addiction like the addiction of alcohol. The nature of addiction is that a person cannot see the destructiveness of their behavior, the damage caused by their addiction. Hours wasted every single day. Moments lost. And a person cannot even realize what they are doing to themselves and those around them.
They are ignoring their family; they are distracted at work and can lose their livelihood. They begin to neglect performing mitzvos and learning Torah, the pathways to the only true form of happiness in this world and the next. They sacrifice and destroy everything meaningful in their lives for a temporary false sense of satisfaction from a fleeting desire.
The Cat and the Mouse
There is a well-known story of R' Yochanan Eibschitz, zt"l:
The Tzadik and the local leading priest were having an ongoing dispute about the value and nature of a person. The priest contended that a man was just a highly evolved animal. The Tzadik, on the other hand, explained that a man is in a completely different category.
To solve this dispute, the priest suggested that they host a feast in a few months' time, and invite all of Prague's scholars for a discussion. And, at that feast, they would decide who was right and who was wrong.
During the months leading up to the party, the priest began training a cat to serve food while walking on his hind legs just like a human waiter! Every time the cat listened, he received a treat, a reward.
The big night arrived, and the party was packed with all of the city's leading minds. Everyone watched in amazement as this little cat was delivering their food like a human. It was an amazing spectacle and it looked like the priest was correct: a human was just a better "trained" animal.
The Tzadik was watching all of this for some time. Then, he reached into his pocket and took out a tiny box. As he opened it, everyone saw a little mouse poke his head up. In no time at all, the mouse hopped from the box and was running all over the place.
Immediately the cat dropped the tray of food and was on all fours in full pursuit: knocking over food and glasses, trampling guests, and flying across tables trying to capture the little mouse.
The cat might have been trained, but it was still an animal. And, once something appealed to its basic animalistic instincts, it simply forgot all what he learned and all the rewards, and could not control itself.
What defines the difference between a person and an animal is that a person has the intellectual ability and capacity to control their basic instincts. They can allow their mind and better judgement to rule over their hearts. They can control themselves, if they choose so, where to look and where not to look. They are not held captive to their desires.
However, if a person repeatedly looks in bad things, like in unfiltered technology devices, and he follows the desires of his heart, if he is constantly ignoring his conscience and fulfilling the whims of his instincts, then those desires and instincts will only become stronger and more potent while his intellect becomes weaker.
Do Not Wander
This is what Hashem is teaching us in this pasuk: "and you shall not wander after your hearts and after your eyes after which you are going astray". We cannot look and see things that will inevitably strengthen the worst of ourselves and weaken our ability to control those instincts of our heart. Only by protecting ourselves can someone become, as the pasuk continues, "you shall remember and perform all My commandments" – your brain will remember that the way of the Torah is the way to achieve the true happiness that comes from keeping the Torah and mitzvos.
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