"And these are the generations of Yitzchok, son of Avraham. Avraham begat Yitzchok" (Genesis/Bereishis 25:19)
A story is told that the great Gaon and Tzaddik, Rav Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky Zt"l, the Steipler Gaon, was once asked by the administrator of a yeshivah whether to expel a certain student who was not learning. The Steipler inquired whether the boy actively disrupted the classroom or was simply not learning. The administrator replied that the boy was not disturbing other students, he merely ignored his studies.
The Steipler related: Rashi (Bereishis 29:11) quotes the Midrash that after receiving the Brachos from Yitzchok, Yaakov ran away from Esav who sought to kill him. Esav sent his son Eliphaz to pursue Yaakov. Yaakov convinced Eliphaz not to commit murder but rather to take all of his money. He could then report back to Esav that he had fulfilled his mission of killing Yaakov, since a pauper is reckoned as dead. Thus, Eliphaz, who grew up in Yitzchok's home and yeshiva, rejected outright murder in favor of the lesser evil of robbery.
The Steipler pointed out that Eliphaz was far from a Tzadik, as he had originally intended to kill Yaakov. Nevertheless, simply growing up under the influence of his holy grandfather Yitzchok, prevented him from committing murder. Similarly, it is worthwhile keeping a lazy boy in Yeshiva. For even if the influence of the yeshiva will not prevent him from turning into a thief, it will keep him from becoming a murderer.
Every parent and Yeshivah and Day School administrator must understand that even if a child is not studying or conducting himself properly, it is never a waste of time and money to invest in supporting that child. For even if there is no hope of rehabilitating him entirely, keeping him from hanging out in bad places will at least prevent him from declining to the lowest levels.
And even when a Gadol Ba'Torah recommends expelling a student from Yeshiva due to his bad influence on others, every effort must be made to find him an alternative program, and not simply allow him to hang out in the street. Furthermore, parents and teachers must continue to show love to these children.
Parents often become depressed when a child deviates from the proper path. They lash out in anger toward the child, hoping to force the child to return to the proper path. This is a grave mistake. Rebellious children cannot be coerced. Harsh punishments will merely further alienate them from their parents and teachers. The only hope to reach them is through the power of love and acceptance. Always look for opportunities to praise them. Do not insult them. Consider what they were missing in the home that may have driven them to seek out other lifestyles. Always seek to provide for both their material and spiritual needs.
In this way it may be possible to bring back the child totally. The Gemara (Bava Metzia 85a) recounts that after the passing of Rebbe Eliezer ben Rebbe Shimon, his son abandoned Torah and began to exhibit horrible behavior. When Rabbenu HaKadosh heard about this, he invited him to his home and showed him honor. He even gave him a gold garment and referred to him with the honorific "Rabbi." This led the young man to swear he would never return to his previous sinful behavior. He repented and became a great Torah leader.
Similarly, Sefer Pri Chaim on Pirkei Avos suggests that this is the meaning of the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos (1:15), "one should receive every person with a happy face." Even when one meets a wicked person, greet him happily. He will then be inclined to receive positive guidance from you, understanding from your smile that you want what is best for him.
Even when not successful in influencing a child to fully repent, showing him love may at least influence him to avoid performing even worse sins, as he will be ashamed to show his face to his parents who provide him so much benefit. Our Rabbis teach (Avos D'Rebbe Nosson 12:3) that Aharon HaKohen greeted everyone with a loving smile. This kept them from sinning. as they would say, "Oy! How can I face Aharon? I will be embarrassed when he greets me!"
Along these lines some sefarim explain the passuk, "and Yitzchak loved Esav because his hunting was in his mouth" (Genesis/Bereishis 25:28). Homiletically, we can render this to mean that Yitzchak demonstrated love to his wicked son Esav to try to "hunt" him back to the proper path through the expressions of love he offered with his mouth.
Yitzchak, in turn, had learned this lesson from his father Avraham who brought people to God through the power pf love. Avraham greeted everyone with a smile. He offered them hospitality, providing food and drink and shelter. Through this, he influenced them to faith in the Creator. Yitzchak followed his father's path attracting many converts through love.
Perhaps this is alluded to in the verse, "And these are the generations of Yitzchok, son of Avraham. Avraham begat Yitzchok" (Genesis/Bereishis 25:19)." Yitzchak assimilated the lessons of his father Avraham, as Rashi explains here that "Yitzchak's face looked like Avraham's", meaning that Yitzchak would smile to everyone just as his father Avraham did, because only through love and acceptance can we truly bring our children to Hashem, and thus create an eternity of holy generations dedicated to Torah and Mitzvos.
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